Guest Post: The Modern Working Mom

Hi friends, I wanted to share another wonderful story by a mom and BBWV reader. Read on to be inspired 🙂

I think the best way to set the stage is by introducing myself and what better way then a little social media intro profile!

30 something hopeless romantic (but will not outwardly show these emotions) that has been married 2 years and first time mom to 11 month old Olivia. Lover of red wine, M&Ms, workaholic and crafter on the side who enjoys reading good books with a hoppy IPA by the waters edge. 

For as long as I can remember I have always been driven by success and working hard. I was anxious to get my first job the moment I turned 16 (and I kept that job all through high school, when I was home from college, and post college as I job searched) and have not stopped working since. In fact, the first significant amount of time I took off (minus a 2 week PTO week) was my maternity leave. Talk about shock. What am I to do with all this time off? Aside from taking care of a newborn, there was a lot of downtime when she napped those first few months. Okay, lets go to Target. The library. Take a stroll around the neighborhood. Before long, lets fire up computer and check in and look at work emails; no one wants to come back to 13 weeks of emails in the inbox. Sure, I felt guilty that my mind shifted to work during nap time, but I’m so trained and excited to work, I could not help it. 

13 weeks in the blink of an eye and it was time to go back to work. Yippee! 

Lets also mention that I got a nice promotion that went into effect 2 days before I gave birth. 

People asked if I was sad to go back. Would I miss Olivia? Don’t you want to stay home with her?  They would say ‘no one can take better care of her than her parents’. And honesty – I was ready to go back to work. I was ready to reclaim “me” and have that sense of purpose again (now don’t ready too much into that – having a work purpose is different than that overall life purpose).  I was ready to have adult conversations daily with my team. I was excited to succeed daily at work with the team. Did this make me a bad mom – that I was hungry to go back to work? No, I would tell myself. This is me being true to myself and setting an example for Olivia of what going after your goals looks like and what working hard looks like. First day of drop-off  for daycare and everyone would ask me if I cried. Did I? Nope – I was eager to go to work. Ugh, then the guilt set it – should I feel sad to go back to work and leave Olivia at daycare? Little did I know that this was the first of many internal struggles I would face with the mom/work guilt game.

Lets set the stage for my work situation. I work in retail management at a Top Box retailer and I have been with my company for over 10 years. This company has provided me with many opportunities for personal growth and development, promotions and a stage to build teams, drive results and have fun daily (I was once told to find something you enjoy doing and find a way to get paid for it). I can honestly say that I love my job, bad days and all, and enjoy going to work each day with a sense of excitement. I oversee a team of 80-140 people, work hours that are unconventional at times and am constantly wearing multiple hats daily depending on the situations. Once told to me, people do not go home and talk about Company X – they go home and talk about YOU. This is always on my mind each day in the building – did I ask Bob about his weekend? Did I ask Jane about her grandchildren? How is Lucy’s sick child? Did I set Team X up for success for a new set? Did I thank Joe for a job well done? Did I coach Sheryl how to better handle a situation? How are we with payroll and schedules? As you can see, this is a job that I must be there for – there is no such thing as working from home when needed.  And simply put, it is not a M-F 9-5 where I just show up and work in a cubicle. 

Schedules are important to me both at work and at home. For all the balls to stay in the air there are multiple check lists – daily. These lists need to be adhered to so that home runs smooth and work is well and everyone is happy. But what happens when thrown a curve ball? As Olivia has gotten older, I have had several curve balls thrown my way and I felt bad about about I thought about a few of them.

That first call from daycare for me to come get my sick child. NO!!!  I was involved at tasks at work. I have to complete a few things to be “accomplished for the work day” before I change hats and put my “Family”  hat back on. I don’t want to leave work. Ugh, bad Andrea! You shouldn’t care about a task not getting accomplished – go get your sick kid! Mom guilt 100%.  This has happened a few times now and each time I feel the exact same way.  Additionally, I have had several weeks as of late that have required me to have more of a presence at work. Meaning, Olivia is the first kid at daycare at 6:30am and often one of the last to be picked up around 6. I had a great time at work seeing transformations take place and success happen but then in the back of my mind I had that guilt of “she’s been there all day – go get her an hour earlier today”. It happens. But at least it is not a regular occurrence, I tell myself.

Mom Guilt has shown up in many other areas I have least expected. 

Trips to the food store – do we do those after daycare during those “precious 2 hours” 
I have with her before bed time or do I do a drive-thru….again?
(my chick-fil-a points are adding up quickly)

On my weekday off, delivering her to daycare so I can return home to have a few quite hours of reading. Or going to the gym. Or strolling the aisles of Target, hot coffee in 
hand, and not being rushed. Doing a day date with my husband. 

We haven’t done any of those Baby and Me classes. Who has the time?

I was on the only Mom to quickly leave Mother’s Day Tea at school. 
Had to get back to work and didn’t take the afternoon off like the other mothers.

Is her first birthday party (total Type A over here) going to be picture perfect, thank you Pinterest. And it’s summer fruit themed, if you are wondering.

Is Olivia dressed neatly each day. Lets not forget the matching bow! Bonus points if it is a Mommy and Me matching outfit – even better, matching Family Outfits.

Still not being back into my pre-pregnancy clothing. That time before or after work…do I go to the gym (happy and healthy mom = happy family) or do I put that thought on the back burner and spend that time with Olivia instead.

Lets throw in those social media influencers that have it all together: great outfits, perfect hair and looking like they are coasting though motherhood with their infants. Meanwhile, I’m going through the Dunkin’ Drive Thru for the 4th day in a row, lunch is whatever is in my desk drawer and lets not even think of dinner yet. After a quick pity party I swiftly realize that they are not working 45+ hours a week and doing the mom game. Then I give myself a gold star as I head on into work with excitement.

And lets remember, in addition to the above, I need to maintain my female friendships, which includes calls, text and girls weekend trips. I need to stay on top of their plans, their life events, jobs and news. Not only to be a good friend but to keep that lifeline there for me as well. At 9 months old, my husband was traveling for work and Olivia was delivered to her grandparents to I could take a girls weekend trip. Some gave me some side eye – thats early to leave the baby – but you know what – I needed time to connect with myself and my girlfriends. Then you think, should I have waited until she was a little older?  I had to quickly tell that voice in my head to quite down – it was time to go to Daffodil Weekend on Nantucket with the girls!

I’m starting to see that Mom Guilt may never go away. But its going to be how I manage it and talk through each situation. I may be upset in the moment, caught off guard or have to quickly figure out a solution for a situation…but that is life I guess for a working mom. But at the end of the day, I’ll always be an individual who loves her career and gets off by being successful. I’m always going to want to be a “Pinterest Pinterest perfect” mom. I’m always going to want take those trips with my husband or my friends. 

Until I find that perfect, no guilt, balance….lets keep those checklists going. And lets hope the cat doesn’t run off with it.